XXXIII: The way to heaven

I met some people,
And asked them the way to heaven.

The first said,
“Climb this ladder – see, angels are going back and forth through the clouds, heralded by trumpets. You will arrive in glory!”
So I started to climb.
But I fell off.

The second said,
“I have a needle here. If you can concentrate and squeeze through the eye, heaven is waiting on the other side. Peer closely and you can see it – all the rest and comfort you could desire!”
So I started to squeeze my way through.
But I got stuck.

The third said,
“Follow that narrow path over there. It’s a long way, but the road is straight, and look – you can see Paradise in the distance, glinting with pearls!”
So I set off down the path.
But I fell by the wayside.

I was weary, battered and bruised.

But a fourth man came to me, with unkempt hair, and said,
“Pick up a lump of wood, and walk this way.”

So I followed Him.

XXXII: The edge

After Appollinaire

“Come back, come back from the edge,”
They cried.
And then he fell.

“Perhaps he was unhappy.”
“Perhaps all his life he was living a lie.”
“Perhaps he wasn’t right in the head.”
Or perhaps he knew that he could fly.

XXVI: If someone asks you to explain the Trinity

If John wore a garment of camel’s hair
Wouldn’t it have given him itchy skin?
– well, this is known as a mystery.

If the sheep are divided from the goats
Won’t the farmers be quite upset?
– well, this is known as a mystery.

If every hair on my head is numbered
Some of the numbers must be quite big.
– well, this is known as a mystery.

If God is One how can He be Three?
And if He’s Three where’s the Unity?
- well, this is known as a mystery.

XIII: The journey

I am on a train.
Where it is going
I do not know.

Actually, that’s a lie.
I know exactly where it's going.
But it sounded more poetic
Not to.

IX: Something in common

Whenever I talk to people, they talk back to me.
It's strange I know, but there it is, and I can't
Help but feel a truth lies hidden in this statement
That will enlighten many. It's far beyond my meagre
Powers to say much more about it, but maybe if we
Work together, you and I, we shall have some success.

Why don’t you start us off – tell me a story. Something
Simple, something truthful, something that will help me
Understand the workings of your mind. Thankyou, yes,
This is very interesting – I too was born, I can’t deny it.
I believe it happens to many of us. But this is good.
We have something great in common and it will serve us well.

Now, please, you ask me something. Ah, very good.
What do I expect for the future? Well, friend,
I suppose I hope for many things, but the one
Event of which I’m certain is that I’ll die. Oh – you
Agree? Well, this is excellent. We are not so different,
You and I! Come comrade, brother, fellow sojourner,
Let us walk arm-in-arm and talk of many things!

VI: The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways

There was a young woman from Stoke
Who wanted to marry a bloke.
She said to God, "Please,"
God said, "You're a tease!"
And sent her a vodka and coke.

There was a young man from Ephesus
Who wanted to be the next Jesus.
He said to God, "Please,"
God said, "You're a tease!"
And sent him a week of the measles.

There was a giraffe from Peru
Who wanted to meet Dr Who.
It said to God, "Please,"
God said, "You're a tease!"
And sent it to London Zoo.

Don't worry, He has other plans for us!

I: A simple solution

Two and two make four.
Three and three make six.
Life is very simple with
The right building-bricks!

Elephants are big
But mice are very small.
It's also very simple
To be a know-it-all!

Here's the solution -
Pray you mark it well.
Actually, I've changed my mind -
I'm not going to tell.